Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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