Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
