Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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