i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
