I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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