If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I didn't notice because vodka
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
