she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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