I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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