there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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