Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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