that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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