Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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