All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
