Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
