This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
