I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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