New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
