I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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