Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
