i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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