I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
