i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
