I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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