thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
