What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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