It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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