saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
