I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
