porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize