Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
