I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
