Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
