oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
