so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
