I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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