Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
