it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize