We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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