i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
