I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
