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people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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