I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
