He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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