Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
