"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
