i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
