I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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