Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
