i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize