i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want nice things and good sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
