There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
