Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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