the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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