can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
