I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
