my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
