The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize