Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
