I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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