Your tits are I can't wait for
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
