I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize