ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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