I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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