well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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