Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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