Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
