Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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